I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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