my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
