guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
