After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
