He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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