I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
