im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
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