Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
