I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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