I bet he comes in French.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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