guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
