Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
