all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
