He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
