even my farts smell like vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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