I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize