You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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