I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
