..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
