By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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