Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize