oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
