so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
