I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
