Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
