I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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