This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
