did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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