Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
