Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
