rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
