My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
