fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
