I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
smell my finger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
