I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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