So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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