she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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