I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
