i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
