I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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