We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
