hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
