he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
