I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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