i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
