You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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