sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
