Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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