Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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