he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
