You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
