My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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