i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
