You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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