eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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