Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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