I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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