You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
