Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
