We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
