Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
