i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
