its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
