just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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