now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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