That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
