I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
