hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
