He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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