Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize